I'm lost

I don't know what to do. I'm torn. I love my husband but I'm miserable. I feel like a momma lion cub trying to protect her young. My step-daughter is making this house so uncomfortable to live in. I don't trust her. It would be different if she were trying- but she's not. She's actually making things worse. I think she'd be happier with her mother. I don't think she knows how to live normally here in our house. She's so used to the roller coaster ride of disfunction and bi-polar disorder that our usually calm house is...too quite. She can't understand it and she's miserable so therfore she has to make this whole house miserable. Just like her mother does with the people around her.

Today I didn't even want to go home. Both of my children were there and I miss them every hour that I'm not with them- but today I just wanted to stay away because there is a stranger in my house. I hate how all of this takes away from my time with my children. What's the right thing to do here. Send her away. I want to say no it's the wrong thing. I wouldn't send my own kid away so how can I expect my husband to do it?

At 14 is she too far gone to be fixed? She won't stop lying to us. I despise lying. I don't want it in our house. I don't like the deceit, the attempts at manupliation, the sneaky attitude and the secrets. There is nothing positive about it. Tori's mother is toxic and Tori is turning our house into a toxic place to live. I understand that teenagers are another entity but there is more to this. She doesn't listen or care or contribute. It's gimmie, gimmie, gimmie. She doesn't appreciate the fact that we have been bending over backwards to allow her to do extra ciriccular activities, picking her up, paying for them, nothing. Her mother never did anything for her- so you'd think she'd be more appreciative of the things we provide... but no. She's not. It's as if it't expected.

I'm rambling and my thoughts were so much more clearer as I drove home today bawling my eyes out. But I realized that I am miserable with her here. Doug tells me more and more how snippy, and bitchy I am. How I'm always barking orders- and I had a ephiphany today. It's because she's here. I'm so pissed off about what she does to this family I bark orders at her, and at Doug because I blame him for her being here. It's not his fault. Not really. But I blame him. When she's not here things, or maybe me, are calm and relaxed.

I want her to go but then I think that's not the right thing to do. The parent in me thinks there is still a chance- but truely I know there isn't one. I think I have given up. She needs counseling and she's never going to get it. Even if she did, would it matter. She's had 14 years to develop and solidify this personality. She doesn't listen to us and she turns right around and spits out lies. What's the right thing to do here. I keep telling myself only 4 more years... I don't know if I can make it that long. It feels like an eternity.