We sued for custody and got a mess.

I don't even know if I want to post this. I'm so exhausted over it all. Plus it's not going to be short.

Tori is a mess. Her mom really did some damage. She has no self-esteem. She pretends, she smiles like everything is okay but I think she's lost and barely hanging on. I think she's the perfect candidate for a suicidal kid.

I heard her mom tell her on the phone- from France "I could have aborted you but I chose not to I have sacrificed my whole life for you why can't you do this for me. " Meaning see me/her in France. Who says that to a kid?

Her mom is back in town- we think. She contacted Tori to let he know she would be here for sprink break and that she was staying for a while. Tori hacked into her mom's e-mail and found her plane ticket confiirmation so she is pretty sure she's actually here now.

After the two went back a fourth for a while with e-mail, phone, & IM. Tori sent her mom an e-mail telling her she didn't want to see her at all. Her mom never responded and has not contacted her since then.

Even thought Tori is afraid of her mom after what happened over the summer I think she hoped that telling her mom to basically fuck off that her mom would try to make the effort to prove that she loved her. Well- she didn't.

She has been pulling a lot of shit at our house lately. I don't know if it was because of the arrival of her mom or concidence. Doug thinks maybe she's acting out so much that subconsciously she thinks he will have to contact her mom and she will have to see her... Lies, disappearing, drinking, sneaking an 18 year old boy into her room in the middle of the night. Some of it is normal teenage stuff and then some of it isn't- I can't really tell which is which. For all of this she's on major lockdown but the lying is still continuing. Lying about really stupis trivial stuff. Like she can't control it.

Her mom's house was up and down all the time partly because we are told by her family that she is Bi-polar. Unmedicated, undiagnosed- but it all makes sense if she is. Her mom also has a lot of other problems. Tori is used to this drama filled house. We don't have that here. Our house is very...normal... I don't know. Aside from being loud because of a preschooler and a new baby our house is very calm with no drama- besides her. I don't think she knows how to be in a calm house like ours. I think she feels even more lost because it's not firmiliar.

I hate lying. It's the biggest offense in my house- besides a felony. LOL She knows I hate lying that I don't want it in my house yet she'll look me right in the eye and lie to my face. I am so mad right now that I can't even talk to her. It's just been one lie after another.

Last night she ate dinner at the table and then went to her room for the rest of the night- her choice. Doug went to go tell her to go to bed later and I could hear her crying. Saying things like "I don't belong here, I should have just stayed with my mom... At least she faked some of the mom part- that was better than nothing. I just want my mom"

Doug and I talked about it all and I came to the conclusion that- and I can only guess because Tori doesn't share anything- much. Is that she's going through the stages of loss. Her mom didn't die but it's s similar concept. 1st she was in denial, then anger and now grief.

Maybe it's better for her if she's not around her mom ever again. If a heroine addict goes through detox and then does heroine they have to start all over again so is her mom literally like a toxic substance? Does she need to completely detox before she can move past this?

She needs counseling but Doug is convinced it won't help. She'll lie to the counselor or she won't talk to them at all. She won't share anything of importance. Which is true in a lot of cases. The psychologist we took her to last said she couldn't help her because she was too smart for her. WHAT? Who says that?

Doug and I aren't qualified to handle this... What the hell are we supposed to do?